youdiabolic said: Ive been ok a few months and came off fluoxetine last year but i feel like I'm getting worse again. The problem being that I don't want to lose my boyfriend because of it. I am very jealous of him spending time with other female friends and he has a really hard time understanding my bpd and thinks I'm self diagnosing to "excuse" my feelings/behaviour. He really wants to help me but I don't know how to make him understand what it's like inside my head. Do you have any advice on how to explain it?
First of all, even if you self-diagnose, that does not make your feelings or your disorder less valid. Self-diagnosis is legitimate. I don’t know if you did self-diagnose or saw a professional, but either way, what you’re experiencing is legitimate and he should be sensitive to that.
I get jealous of my partner’s friends sometimes too. But we also talk about it and while he doesn’t understand how I come to these unrealistic conclusions sometimes, he still understands that I cannot help this, and it’s up to BOTH OF US to work on it together. I need to check myself and make sure I’m working on these feelings and my behavior, and he needs to double check himself and make sure his behavior isn’t triggering me. Now he works harder to reassure me, and I work harder to stay realistic. Effort comes from both of us, so that’s my advice to you. Your BPD may be causing the feelings, but it’s still a behavior he’s doing which is triggering it, you know? That doesn’t mean what he’s doing is wrong, of course. It’s not wrong for him to have female friends. However, it’s what he’s NOT doing, and that’s recognizing that it’s a sensitivity for you, and he should be taking extra steps to help you feel comfortable.
As for explaining what you’re experiencing, I often have trouble explaining it myself. But your mind is constantly fighting to convince you that everyone wants to leave you. If you could somehow figure out what triggered the feelings, that might be helpful, no matter how ridiculous it may sound when you say it out loud. Brains are wonky, but communication is important. He should be willing to communicate too, and to see what he can do to better support you. x
Thanks for the advice :) much appreciated. And I am kind of self diagnosed as my doctor was reluctant to say I definitely have bpd, but does recognise that I meet most of the criteria, and experience a lot of the symptoms. X